[3] spring
march 21
Dad update: while I have been obnoxiously posting the SXSW insanity, Dad was finishing up chemo: round one. 🙃 Radiation will wrap up tomorrow afternoon. In mid-April we'll have an MRI to determine if treatment has kept the tumors at bay (🙏🏻) and what steps to proceed with. Dad's mobility has remained relatively stagnant for the most part and we continue to remain hopeful he'll improve with therapy. When I'm back in ROC, I intend to take dad to the same Kodak parking lot where he taught me to drive 12 years ago (nostalgia factor 💯) with hope he can learn to drive safely using only his left side.
He continues to be an anomaly with his robust appetite (he recently created, completed and crushed his own "Big Mac challenge" - hey dad, why don't we attempt a salad challenge, next? )
He was not thrilled with his partial hair loss until I jokingly (👀?) reminded him that I'm the one with the good hair anyways and he can rock a Bills hat like none other.
Stubborn Steve has been refusing the wheelchair, instead walking (slowly and with a cane) in and out of treatment and has been kept in high sprits with his continuous visitors, well-wishers and supporters. Recently, his college besties arranged to secretly arrive from several parts of the country just to watch college basketball with dad for the day. He said that his friendships are reminiscent of my own, and I'm continuously humbled by the amount of support I've received for both of my parents and myself as we continue to navigate through one of life's biggest curveballs as a trio. ❤
April 12
I could go on and on with details (like usual 👀) but mom, dad and I are elatedly speechless with the MRI results: dad has no new brain tumors and nothing has spread. Round one of treatment was considered a success and his vitals/blood count is superb. Although the tumors are still inoperable, today we're celebrating. 🎯 A second, more intermittent round of chemo commences Monday, MRIs will continue bi-monthly, and we'll continue to accept #goodvibes daily. We're currently trying to plan small outings and events accessible for dad and his moderate physical limitations.
Overheard on tv as I was typing this: "years from now you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did do." Sounds cliche af I know, I just can't help but to stress the concept enough. If you're wavering on whether or not to do something out of your comfort zone, take this as a sign and go for it/book it/ do it. Do it for Steve
april 26
For the time being, today was my last full day in Spencerport. To celebrate, Dad and I walked (slowly) in the sunshine and then, for the first time since he purchased it one day prior to his diagnosis, took a spin in the Mustang, top down. For someone who loved nightly walks and daily drives for decades, walking down a few driveways and driving around a parking lot is now quite the accomplishment. Left foot and left hand only while behind the wheel, but with a full spirit. That same parking lot at Pineway Ponds bore witness to dad teaching me to drive 12 long years ago.
There's absolutely nothing lucky about Brain Cancer. But thus far we've been decently lucky: zero loss of appetite or nausea throughout two rounds of chemo and one round of radiation; cognitive abilities still 98% in tact; the previous MRI showed zero spreading; an insurmountable amount of support and increased appreciation for life. I was recently incredibly touched when a close friend of mine revealed she is including my parents and myself in an upcoming speech she's giving, hoping to inspire others to live to the fullest everyday. That's the message I can only hope to continue to spread.
Mom, Dad and I hope (and sometimes strangely feel) that all four of my grandparents are up above, alongside my little brother Jeremy, watching over us as we continue on this path of the unknown. We're aware of the inevitability of Dad's condition and prognosis. We know that someday, news is not going to be as positive and we won't be whipping around in the Mustang in the sunshine. But today...today we did.
And today I felt past family members presence in the string of songs on the radio, station after station. An Eric Church song I haven't heard in years was playing the most relatable verse right as we pulled back into the driveway of the Barkwood Lane house we've lived in for 23 years:
"And I hope they know, I never would had made it this far on my own. Where would we all be without those fathers and mothers? Sisters and brothers... I wouldn't be who I am today, without those I've loved along the way. Thank y'all for continuing to read and to reach out. Means the world.
may 29
I struggle to remember a year growing up that the Spencerport Memorial Day parade wasn't attended by the Ragan fam. Mom and Dad always stress the importance of supporting the troops, and while the parade proved too difficult to attend this year, we made moderations. Upon this visit home, Dad is feeling and looking as well as when I left for Austin a month ago. Without the opportunity to leave the house independently, sometimes positivity proves difficult.
When I insisted on driving us somewhere on this perfectly sunny day, he said, "Okay, I'll tell you directions... but let's go on a Magical Mystery Tour," the same way he has for decades when he wouldn't reveal our destination. He directed me to a Memorial site for Rochesterians who have served. 🇺🇸 It took quite a bit for him to walk the uneven path down to the markers, but slow and steady won the race and Dad sat and reflected while I wandered around. Every day is still a challenge for us but Mom, Dad and I have gotten somewhat used to our new normal and still make time to have some sense of said normalcy. Happy #MDW to everyone, with hope you had the chance to spend time with those important to you. [side note if someone could follow me around and take candid insta pics 🔼that would be 💯]
june 7
Aaaand for my thousandth insta: I'll give you a little positivity while withholding the long winded caption. Nothing has spread 😊. Can't describe the anticipation waiting for MRI results half a country away, but picturing my parents relief while Dad watches one of his fave sports and keeps score on an envelope like always (why? Idk) helps ❣️ #fuckcancer#steveloveshisbowling