[2] winter
january 27, 2017
Words can't express the gratitude I have for the outpour of support we've received over the past week. The hospital appointments have been draining and the ups and downs have been vast. Brain Cancer is scary and uncertain but dad is ready to fight with all he's got and y'all's encouragement has not gone unnoticed. My inbox is full, as is my voicemail, our mailbox is overflowing as is the refrigerator. Every single thing we have read and received and heard has uplifted each of us in different ways and been equally as meaningful. The Ragans may not have had the best luck overall, but we're extremely lucky in the friends we've chosen to surround us. Thank you again for keeping us in your thoughts and your messages have meant the 🌎 to me in particular
february 8
Dad update: the fight against Brain Cancer has officially begun. 👊🏻 We're closing in on finishing the first week of simultaneous oral chemo and radiation with minimal side effects thus far. (As I type this, dad is polishing off pizza, wings and French toast sticks 🍕).
Dad's mobility on his right side is severely limited for the time being, with hope that treatment will help improve the use of his right arm and leg. In a twist of irony, Dad closed on a "new" (aka 2005, typical Steve) Mustang literal hours prior to the diagnosis. We're hoping and envisioning that he will regain the ability to drive and whip that 'Stang around someday.
We have quite the team surrounding us: neurologists, nurses, a PA, physical and occupational therapists, the works. Although the tumors are inoperable, this team is pragmatically hopeful. We've had some shitty days and are aware there will be more shitty days ahead. However, we're hoping the good days can help balance, or even outweigh the bad days. Within 72 hours, an unexpected seizure landed us in the hospital, but we also learned that there is a rare element in the tumors that may actually cause them to respond better to treatment. We certainly take the good with the bad. And the diagnosis and subsequent events have certainly kept us on our toes. Dad has referred to Cancer/chemo/radiation as his current adventure.
We've been stacking our days wth ample appointments, catching up on shows, reading, reminiscing, etc. Dad's been cleaning up in online poker, and we would like to thank the contemporary political circus for keeping us entertained. Each of us have also spent several hours a day conversing with friends both near and far. We've continued to be in awe of y'all's continued communication and generosity. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts. ❤️, the Ragans
february 9
A few times throughout my high school career, Dad took me to midnight album releases at House of Guitars. The most memorable time was celebrating a Dashboard Confessional (😍) album when I was 17. Dad listened to me belt out emo Dashboard lyrics for years as we cruised around in the Sebring. Upon learning I've held DC tickets for months for the show in ATX tomorrow night, he and my mom insisted I fly down for it. Dad's feeling mentally strong today on this sunny (albeit 17 degree) day and my parents all but pushed me out the door as I contemplated staying or going. 75-degree-Texas bound for 39 hours
february 21
This morning, dad received an anonymous package containing a ball signed by former Buffalo Super Bowl quarterback and local legend Jim Kelly. Just like dad, Kelly is also battling cancer. And just like dad, he also lost a young son. Dad was emotional and grateful and and as someone who has always favored giving over receiving, he's learning to graciously accept gifts.
Feeling optimistic, he asked me to drive him to radiation in the Mustang he has owned only a day longer than he's been diagnosed. We took the 'Stang for the first time as we cranked his fave Stones CD, windows down, to the appointment. (Interesting fact of the day: radiating multiple brain tumors takes all but three minutes. Who knew?)
We're a little over 2 weeks into the 6-week radiation and oral chemo schedule. After that, we have a 4-week break and then we'll reevaluate with a scan to see where to go from there. While I was recently gone traveling, dad scaled back his stubborn nature and finally began to use a cane and leg brace. It seems his mobility has stabilized. He can walk slowly and has maintained all ability in his left side thus far. His right side is still impaired but we have hope of improvement. His spirits waver but ultimately are as good as one could ask for given the situation. Somehow throughout chemo, he's even put on a few pounds (shoutout to all of the garbage plate gift cards we've received 🙌🏽). He didn't have the focus to read for quite sometime, but is now challenging himself to do so with 10 additional pages each day. Just like decades ago, dad proved he can still kick my ass at Yahtzee.
Steve Ragan is a man about town who doesn't like being essentially home-bound. He was disheartened I recently used his Knighthawks ticket as he could not, and is bummed I'll be using his Billy Joel tickets tomorrow in NYC (...I'm not too bummed about that one 🎶). We're keeping up hope that the three of us will be at John Mayer & the Grateful Dead in Chicago this summer. Thank you to whoever sent the signed ball, you put a pep in dad's step this morning and he's currently rambling to his friend that he simply has to make it on earth until Buffalo is victorious in a Super Bowl.